


I'm Not The Man I Used To Be

by inkedfondness



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Single Dad Louis, Strangers to Lovers, Work in progress.., future larry, larry and kids, larry stylinson - Freeform, louisandharry, photographer!harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-04 03:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5318741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkedfondness/pseuds/inkedfondness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hold on to whatever you find, baby. Hold on to whatever will get you through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Crazy Cat Man Next Door

**Author's Note:**

> Hey it's Noelle aka Inkedfondness on Twitter and the girl who makes people emotional...a lot. 
> 
> I'm new at this. I've never published anything on here before so I apologize in advance for my obvious inexperience. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has decided to read this. It means a lot to me. 
> 
> Shoutout to Kay for being my biggest supporter and helper with this. You keep me inspired and motivated. I will remember you when I'm a published author, drowning in money. Ahahaha. 
> 
>  
> 
> I know this first chapter took forever, but I really hope it was worth the wait. I fought off writer's block many times while writing this. I rewrote it about 5 times, actually. I hope it's okay. I apologize for any typos. Transferring this from my notes app was a dumb idea. 
> 
> This story is still being planned out so I may change some descriptions/warnings/tags/etc. if need be. 
> 
> Thanks again for taking the time to read this!! 
> 
> Larries, I give you the chapter that I put more effort into than my school work. Enjoy.
> 
>  
> 
> -  
> update:
> 
> HELLO I AM SO SORRY I ABANDONED THIS BUT FOR SOME REASON I HAVE LOST ALL MOTIVATION. I WILL TRY REALLY HARD TO GET BACK TO THIS BUT AT THE MOMENT IM JUST TRYING TO GET MY CREATIVITY BACK SO I'M GOING TO ATTEMPT TO WRITE AN ENTIRE SHORTER FIC AND SEE HOW THAT GOES.   
> THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN/LOVE.   
> \- n

_The words he once read in a book by Mary Shelley still sit with him in the back of his mind and puddle in his eyes. "Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change."_

 

The golden yellow kitchen light reflects in his glasses as he looks up from the manuscript in his hands and meets the cool blue eyes of his three year old daughter who's across the table, propped up on her knees in her booster seat. She rests her elbows on the the table and uses her palms as a place to rest her chin, curling her fingers to make the tips indent her plump cheeks. He watches her squint her eyes and give him a closed mouth smile with the end of her spoon sticking out between her lips.

"Happy now?" he asks with tired eyes and lower eyelids tinged red.

"Mhm." Iris nods quickly and her messy blonde curls bounce like springs.

 _You better be,_ he thinks to himself, giving her one of his usual fatherly looks that says, _you're so spoiled._

"And what about you?" He questions the five year old boy sat at the left side of the table with his back to an open window.

"M'happy," Brendon shrugs his small shoulders as wind blows through the window and raises the brown hair on the back of his head. It floats back down gently.

Louis moves his eyes back to focus on the manuscript. He grits his teeth as he reads the words that don't seem to flow right. He is glad when he hears his phone buzz on the wood table, giving him an excuse to put down the manuscript. He answers after seeing that it's his mum. She calls almost every day to check up on him.

"Hello?"

"Oh, I wasn't expecting you to answer," his mum replies in shock.

"I was going to leave a message."

"Oh, I'm awake," Louis looks at Iris for a second and says, "Someone threw a fit this morning at three. She wouldn't stop crying until I took her to the supermarket to get Coco Pops cereal. I gave in again, mum."

"Iris is going to grow up and be very spoiled. You've got to work on that, love."

"I know," Louis sighs, scratching the back of his head.

"Just work on saying no, alright?"

"Ok. It's not as easy as you make it seem, but I'll try."

"Good. Anyways, I called because I want to know if you need any extra money...for anything," she asks with a hesitant, but gentle voice.

Louis pushes his glasses up into his messy fringe and rubs the stress lines on his forehead with the pads of his fingers. He hates that he's had to borrow so much money from his mum. He hates that he hasn't paid back everything. He loves that she always offers to send money, but it makes him feel guilty. It weighs on him.

"I'm fine, mum. I think we're making it by alright."

"Okay, but you know you can always ask. You do know that right, son?"

"Yeah. I do. I appreciate it, mum, I really do," Louis says thankfully.

"Alright, I'll let you do what you need to do this morning. Have a good day," Jay replies.

"You too. Love you. Bye."

 

 

As his kids scurry up the stairs to brush their hair and teeth, Louis grabs their empty cereal bowls and brings them over to the sink to scrub and place in the dishwasher. When he goes back to grab his glasses and manuscript from the table, he hears an unexpected rustling of leaves. He puts the manuscript and glasses on the counter. He figures it's a bird, until he hears a voice.

"Kitty kitty kitty kitty."

Louis' eyebrows furrow as the high pitched voice spills in from the open window that looks out to the front porch.

"Shit..come here."

The voice is lower and raspier this time.

Louis stands and goes to the front door, unlocking it, and opening it slowly. He takes cautious steps out, being careful not to make too much noise.

When he reaches the side of the porch, a wooden board squeaks below his feet and he freezes slightly.

He catches sight of a man's arse, legs, _good god those legs go on for days_ , and running shoes, before a loud bang makes the porch shake.

"Ah, fuck."

The man backs up slowly from under the porch, clutching his head with one large hand. The pads of his long fingers rub his curly hair gently and his eyes are squeezed shut. When he gets up he is nearly six foot, Louis thinks, with long legs and large feet.

It's _that_ guy.

"What the fuck?" These words leave Louis' lips and make the man open his eyes and look straight at Louis who is perched on the edge of the porch still.

The curly-haired man's face flushes from embarrassment as he lowers his hand from his head. 

-

' _It's bloody three forty-five. Why the hell am I at the supermarket?' He thinks to himself as he pushes a trolley with two kids walking beside it, their small hands holding on to it._

' _I could be in my giant bed, but noo. Someone had to throw a big fit and refuse to stop unless they got Coco Pops._ ' _He rants in his head._

_"Papa needs to get some more tea while we're here. We're gonna get that first," he voices in a raspy early morning voice._

_"Noo get Coco Pops!" Iris whines._

_"We will,"_

_"Now."_

_"Iris, please."_

_Iris glares up at him with watery eyes from all the crying she had done earlier._

_Louis sighs, goes over to the shelf, and squats down, eyes scanning the various boxes of tea. He grabs his box of Yorkshire tea, then looks around for a new kind to try. Yorkshire has always been his favorite, but he enjoys trying others._

_After finding two more boxes, he turns back to the trolley to see that his kids aren't there._

_He drops the tea into the trolley and calls out their names. When neither Brendon nor Iris answer, he begins pushing his cart around._

_"Iris! Brendon!"_

_There is no answer, only the sound of the squeaking trolley wheels._

_He thinks he knows where they are, but he doesn't bet on it. He takes a moment to breathe and control his frustration, then makes his way towards the cereal aisle._

_When he gets there, he sees them with a lanky man who is hunkered down in front of them. His back is arched and Louis can pick out curly brown hair and round cheeks that make Louis believe he is smiling._

" _Coco Pops!" Iris yells with excitement._

_"Oh, you came here for Coco Pops too?" He asks and Iris nods with a tiny smile._

_"Where's your mum or dad?"_

_"He's somewhere. We're getting the cereal," Brendon replies._

_Iris rushes over to the shelf and jumps up and down in attempt to reach the Coco Pops on the top shelf._

_The man grabs her waist and says, "Jump one more time, as high as you can."_

_Iris jumps and he lifts her up high with ease and she grabs the box. He places her on her feet and she giggles._

_Louis stays at the end of the aisle, watching the man be a better parent than Louis has been the past few years. He always tries to be present. He always tries to be everything for them, but it's hard when you have to be mum and dad._

" _Me next!" Brendon exclaims, bouncing on his toes._

_"Okay, you can get mine for me," the man's says._

_He grabs Brendon by the waist and does the same for him, lifting him up to grab the box, then sets him down on his feet._

" _I think these come with prizes as well," the man says with clear enthusiasm._

_Louis can't help but feel an ache in his chest as he sees the man interact with his kids with such ease. They look happy._

_He pulls himself together, pushes the trolley down to the other end of the aisle and stops, feeling three pairs of eyes look to him._

_"You two need to listen to me. You cannot run away like that," Louis states firmly._

_"It's alright. They're okay.." He has quite a thick Manchester accent._

_The smiling man pokes the children in their belly buttons and Louis watches with fiery eyes that should burn holes in that guy._

_'He smells like candles. Who is this guy?' Louis thinks._

" _Have a good rest of your morning," the man says, his smile slightly faltering when he sees Louis' scowl._

_"Thanks," Louis mutters as politely as he can._

_He grabs the box from Iris' arms and Brendon hands his box to the happy-go-lucky man. The kids latch their hands back onto the trolley and gaze back at the dimple-faced man as they walk away, each giving a tiny wave._

_-_

"Hey, I saw you at the supermarket earlier. You've got those two adorable kids," the man states with a friendly smile.

"What's your name, I don't think I caught it earlier?" He asks.

"Louis."

"I apologize, Louis, I-uh..I am looking for my cat."

"You're looking for you cat? Bloody hell, It's five in the morning," Louis says exasperatedly.

The man bites his lip and his eyes look Louis up and down, then drop to the dewy grass.

"Uh..He is a gray tabby. I think he went under your porch."

He kneels and peeks under the porch again, pauses for a few seconds, then stands up. Louis knows that this guy towers him, so he feels better standing on the porch. He feels more in control of the situation.

"It's quite hard to see without a flashlight."

Louis stands there with a dominant stance and stares at the guy. He is slightly annoyed by his presence. _How the hell did he get here? I have never seen him,_ he wonders to himself.

"Do you have a flashlight?" The curly-haired man asks, looking up at Louis with pleading green eyes.

"Do you have a flashlight?" Louis retorts without blinking, immediately feeling stupid.

"No..."

"Well...well, you should get one."

Louis turns and walks back into the house. He decides he'll do this guy a favor since he did Louis the favor of not kidnapping his kids this morning. He roams around the house and finally locates a flashlight in a basket in the coat closet.

When he returns, he doesn't see the man. That is until he walks to the edge of the porch and sees two feet sticking out. Louis jumps down to the ground and flicks on the flashlight, lighting up the whole space under the porch. He lays flat on his stomach and the man turns his face back and smiles kindly as a way of saying thank you.

"Your cat is on the left over there," Louis says when his eyes spot glowing eyes.

"I don't think that's a cat.."

"Fuck. What are you doing? Get out get out get out!" Louis says frantically, dropping the flashlight.

Louis jumps to his feet, leaving the flashlight on the ground. His skin starts to crawl as he questions whether to run or not. He takes continuous steps backwards until he runs into the fence.

A girly scream comes from underneath the porch, nearly making Louis' heart drop out of his arse.

The man starts to shimmy backwards in a swift motion. His shoes squeak against the dew-covered grass. Louis exhales a breath he didn't realize he was holding in when the guy appears with a medium sized cat in his arms.

He is laughing too hard to stand, so he stays on the ground with shaking shoulders. His cat is squirming, but he keeps a firm hold on it as he points at Louis who is clutching his chest.

Louis shoots a death glare at him as the guy throws his head back with laughter.

"Alright, fuck off," Louis says with a slight smirk. He hides it quickly when the man opens his eyes. He drops his hand from his chest. He refuses to show any sign that he enjoys any aspect of this guy. Because he obviously doesn't, at all.

The man pushes himself up to his feet and smiles a smile so big that Louis worries his face will fall off. The curls that frame his face are slightly disheveled and his clothes are a bit dirty from crawling under there.

"That was so good," the man says with watery eyes.

Louis folds his arms, wishing the guy would stop looking at him with those gooey eyes.

"I'm Harry, by the way. I'm moving in next door," He says, reaching forward with one of his giant hands.

"You're what?" Louis asks, ignoring his hand.

"I'm Harry. Oh, you meant.. _oh_. Yeah, I'm moving in next door," Harry awkwardly drops his hand to his side, "I was trying to go for a quick jog before the movers get here, but Leo escaped. He really hates moving. He likes having his own spot and when it changes, he freaks out. He peed in my bathroom sink this morning," He jabbers in a slow voice that wasn't made for rambling.

Louis tries so hard not to laugh at this guy who is telling him so many unnecessary details about his cat.

 _He is moving in next door,_ Louis thinks. _He is moving in next door. There is no escaping this._

"I'm sorry for," Harry lets out a little resurfacing chuckle, "I'm sorry for snooping into your yard and scaring the living daylight out of you-"

"You didn't."

"Oh, _babe_ , I definitely did. Anyways, I hope that you don't hate me because my house is right there and you'll probably see me a lot. So no hard feelings?" Harry holds out a hand again, making Louis conscious of his smaller one.

He rejects Harry's hand for the second time, so Harry drops his own.

"I just had to get Leo. He's the only company I have around here."

"Why is your cat's name Leo?" Louis asks, "I thought cats were usually called Fluffy or Mittens or soppy names like that."

"Well, Leo for short," Harry pauses to smile, "It's really Leonardo Di _cat_ rio."

Louis keeps his eyes fixed on Harry, wishing he hadn't asked. Harry can sense that Louis thinks he's an idiot. He feels his cheeks heat up with slight embarrassment and he immediately feels uncomfortable.Leo starts squiring in his arms again.

Louis sighs and shakes his head, wondering how this guy could be so... _like that._

"Well, I should go," Harry says slowly, awkwardly walking towards the gate.

"You should," Louis agrees in a harsh tone. It wasn't meant to come out harsh, but it did.

Harry nods firmly, sends Louis a soft smile, and tries to push the gate open.

"Pull," Louis tells him.

Harry pauses, pulls the gate open, and rushes through his own gate with burning cheeks.

The sun slowly rises behind Harry's house, spreading a pink tinge, as Louis watches Harry go inside. He stands there for a moment, thinking of how any person could have moved into that vacant house. It has been vacant for years and anyone else could have moved in, but he somehow ended up with _that guy._

_-_

"Hey there, cuties."

"Who you?"

Louis turns around from were he's watering the potted plants on the porch and sees Iris and Brendon sitting the grass, looking up at the new neighbor as he looks over the fence that separates their yards.

"I'm Harry. We met a few days ago at the supermarket. What are your names?"

Iris smacks her lips together and pulls the giant slice of watermelon away from her mouth.

"..Iris," she says in a high pitched voice.

Brendon takes a bite of his slice of watermelon and, with a mouth full of fruit, he says his name. The juice drips from the corners of both of their mouths and roll down their bare chests.

"Nice to meet you. Are you enjoying that watermelon?" Harry asks.

"Mhm." Iris nods.

Harry smiles wide at them before he asks where their dad is. Brendon points over to the porch and Louis makes sudden eye contact with him. Harry lifts his hand shows a friendly wave in Louis' direction. Louis only turns his head back to the plants and acts like he's busy.He can hear Harry having a little conversation with his kids, but Louis tunes it out.

Today is surprisingly hot in contrast to cool breeze that the last couple days have had. He jokingly wonders if that guy brought the heat with him from wherever he came from. As a droplet of sweat rolls down Louis' forehead, he reaches up to wipe it away with the back of his hand. He's not even moving much and he's sweating buckets. It's one of the hottest days he's ever experienced here in London.

As he glances over at his kids, he sees that Harry isn't by the fence anymore. They're sitting there with red cheeks from the heat and watermelon juice dripping down their chins. Iris' curls are drooping like the flowers that line the fence in the yard. Over the fence Louis sees Harry bent down, yanking weeds and vines from the side of his house. He's soaking in sweat as well and his white t-shirt is almost completely see-through. He tries on to stare, but he finds his eyes lingering on him for a moment.

Louis sinks down onto the porch steps with a glass of lemonade full of clinking, quickly melting ice. His kids come running over to sit next to him and slump down on either side of him on the same stair. Louis reaches over and brushes Iris hair out of her face, seeing how it is slightly sticking to her forehead.

"S'hot," Iris blurts after a long sigh.

"It's very hot," Brendon agrees, licking his lips, setting the leftover part of his watermelon slice on the porch step.

"It is," Louis nods, "We should get a pool for our back garden, shouldn't we?"

Iris drops her unfinished watermelon slice and jumps into Louis' lap, startling him.

"pleaaaase?"She begs with large blue eyes.

Louis was only joking. He has no clue where he'd get a kiddy pool, but he sees her hopeful eyes and can't help but twist the truth.

"Maybe one will magically appear if you wish hard enough."

Iris folds her hands quickly, muttering her wishes in a hushed voice.

"I don't think wishing will work. There is no shooting star or birthday candles."

Louis turns his head towards Brendon and raises a finger to his lips, signaling for him to be quiet.

"I wished. Where it?" Iris pouts.

"I think you have to wait a bit. Wishes don't always happen fast, babe," Louis tells Iris.

She sighs and lays her head in the dip between Louis' shoulder and neck. She closes her eyes as Louis rubs his hand up and down her thigh in a soothing way.

"Can we go inside now?" Brendon asks.

"Sure, bud. Take your watermelon and throw it away in the trash," Louis instructs before he takes a long sip of his lemonade, "Take your sister's too, please."

Louis stands up, holding Iris in one arm and his lemonade in the other hand. He places a small kiss on her forehead as he walks towards the door. He pauses for a moment, though, catching sight of his new neighbor peeling off his t-shirt. He crosses his arms and grips the hem of the shirt and lifts it, letting the fabric slowly peel off as he extends his arms. His muscular back is exposed and his ribs protrude for a second. He tosses the damp shirt into the grass and bends down again to yank some more weeds out from beside his house.

Louis slowly moves his eyes back too the door way and slides inside, kicking the door closed. 

-

"Don't forget your shoes, Iris," Louis calls from over his shoulder as he stands, keeping the door propped open with his back pressed against it.

He watches her scramble to the pair of pink flip flops, jamming her feet into them. Brendon is already halfway to the gate outside.

Once Iris is out the door, Louis steps outside and places the large stack of books onto the ground, hearing the door swing shut. He stands to lock the door, then bends over again to pick up the books. The stack towers in his arms with the top book level with his forehead. He has to crane his next to the side in order to see, so he can make it down the stairs and across the yard.

"Where Harry?" Iris asks as she walks a few feet in front of Louis.

"I don't know, sweetheart. He's probably busy," Louis tells her.

He does find it odd that Harry didn't go for a jog early this morning. He has done that every day for the past week that he's been living next door. Every morning the kids run out every morning to say hi to him and sometimes help him catch his cat when it escapes out his front door and makes it into Louis' yard.

He spends a lot of time working in his front yard too, but today Louis hasn't heard one annoying comment from him. He can't decide if he's glad about that or if he should be worried...

Iris opens the gate and Louis catches it with his foot, letting her go through first.

"There!"

Louis steps forward and immediately feels the impact of a body slamming into his. The books topple out of his arms as he stumbles sideways, then trips over a hard cover book. He falls quickly and hits the sidewalk before Harry lands beside him, making a sudden _oomf_ sound.

Louis stays on the ground for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut. He groans and feels his muscles throb as he body rests against the warm cement. He hears Harry shuffle to his feet.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry. I didn't slow down fast enough. Are you hurt? Are you concussed? Can you open your eyes? How many fingers am I holding up?"

Louis keeps his eyes shut and his face contorts into what looks like a scowl.

"How many fingers am _I_ holding up?" Louis asks as he puts his middle finger up in the air, hoping his children don't pick up that habit since they just caught sight of it.

Louis has tried to get better at being aware of his kids. He cusses like a sailor sometimes and his kids has picked up on it every once in awhile. He has to explain that those are grown up words and only Papa can use them. Then he has to give them alternative "kid words" that they can use.

With his middle finger still in the air, he hears Harry exhale a laugh that sounds a bit like a sigh of a relief. Harry grabs his wrist, helping to pull Louis up to his feet. Louis is surprised at how easily Harry gets him up from the ground. It makes him conscious of the fact that he hasn't worked out in years.

"I'm really sorry, Louis," Harry apologizes, keeping a hand on Louis' bicep to make sure he's steady. He lets go when Louis steps back and starts to pick up his books from the ground.

Louis sees that Harry is in his workout clothes. This time it's a bright pink tee with the sleeves cut off, loose black shorts, and black nikes. The front, longer pieces of his hair are pulled back into a tiny ponytail, while the rest hangs in loose curls that come down to his jawline. Headphones dangle against his chest.

Iris rushes over and hugs Harry's legs, her cheek squishing against his thigh. His hand smoothes over her blonde curls and he squats down, starting to help pick up the books.

"Let's help your dad pick these up, okay?" Harry turns his face towards the small child and she smiles and nods in agreement.

Louis looks up and glances at them, then sees that Brendon is already in his car seat, looking out the car window at them. Louis collects an armful of books and takes them over to the trunk, using one hand to pop it open and the other to throw them inside.

"What's with all the books?"

Louis turns his head and his eyes meet Harry's, then fall down to see that Iris is holding out a stack of four books.

"I read a lot. What's with you jogging at one in the afternoon? Your schedule is out of whack."

Louis takes the books from Iris' arms and sees her run to the car door. Harry smiles softly and Louis imagines it's at the fact that he has memorized his schedule, which isn't necessarily true.

Harry places his stack in the trunk gently and explains, "I had some work to do early this morning. I take wedding pictures and sometimes engagement pictures or family photos. I had a couple who wanted engagement pictures with the sunrise in the background. I got lost on the way home." 

Louis shuts the trunk and squints at Harry, looking him up and down.

"What?" Harry asks breathily.

"S'nothing. You just don't really seem like a photographer is all," Louis admits, watching Harry's thick eyebrows furrow.

Harry folds his arms defensively and Louis suddenly becomes aware of his large, sculpted biceps and the height difference between the both of them.

"What do I seem like, then?" Harry asks curiously.

Louis shrugs and walks over to the drivers side of the car and yanks the car door open. Harry follows close behind.

"Oh, come on. What do I look like?"

He's known Harry for a week and they've gotten to the point where Louis can tease him a little bit. Louis is actually surprised that it's only been a week; he feels like Harry has been annoying him for months.

Louis spins around, almost pressing himself up against Harry. Harry takes a step back as Louis glances over his shoulder to see if the kids are paying attention.

"You seem like some sort of male stripper...or maybe a pole dancer who does impressive pole tricks as he holds money between his arse cheeks," Louis says in a low voice that's a large contrast from the explosive laugh that comes out of Harry's mouth, making him clasp a hand over his mouth.

"So you've seen that?" Harry wonders aloud between chuckles.

Louis rolls his eyes and turns back to climb into his car. Harry catches the door with his hand before it closes.

"We're not done talking about this," Harry says.

"Oh, we are."

"No. We aren't. We will discuss this later."

"You would only hope. Bye, Harry."

Louis pulls the car door shut and Harry glares at him for a short second, before it melts into his usual cheesy smile. He waves at the kids in the back and they wave back with big smiles on their faces.

"Are you buckled up?" Louis asks, peering in the rearview mirror to see that Brendon isn't, but quickly clicks it after he says that.

"We're going to the library, then maybe we'll go get some ice cream."

Tiny cheers come from the backseat and it causes a smile to slide into Louis' lips.

"Only if you're good," he tells them.

 

 

When they get to the library Louis only has to scold them once for running too fast in the parking lot. He's thankful for the automatic doors as he walks in with the large stack of books in his arms.

"Iris and Brendon, you can go to the kids area, but no fighting or yelling," Louis says once they're inside.

"Okay, Papa!" Brendon says before they rush over to the part of the library that has little kid books and toys for them to play with.

Louis goes to the return desk and places the stack onto the counter, hearing a familiar voice come from behind it.

"Louis, you're back. It's been awhile," Liam's calm voice puts a smile on Louis' face.

There's a lot of people that Louis can't stand in his life at this point in time, but Liam is not one of those people.

"Hey, Liam," Louis sidesteps to see his face that's lightly covered in stubble, "I finally finished this stack. It's been a month, hasn't it?"

"I think so. Last time you were here we were complaining about the gross rainy weather in May."

"The humidity has been terrible so far this month. I finally got to open my windows this week," Louis says as he passes books to Liam for him to scan.

"Yeah, I agree. The breeze has been very refreshing this week. Got to turn off my air conditioning and save some money."

"Me too."

Liam grins up at Louis, then glances over at Iris and Brendon who are playing with the Legos in the corner.

"Oh my word, they are just as cute as I remember."

Louis laughs and whispers, "Yeah, but they've been a pain in my arse lately. Can't wait for them to start preschool again."

"I'd take care of them in a heartbeat, Louis. If you ever need a break, I'd gladly babysit. Honestly." Liam looks at Louis with pure seriousness in his brown eyes.

Louis nods and scans his library card before he slides it back into his beige shorts.

"I will remember that, Liam." Louis smirks.

Louis walks the few feet over to the kids and squats down so he's level with them.

"What are you guys making?" Louis inquires with raised eyebrows.

"It's a castle," Brendon says as he attaches another Lego to the top. Louis stands up and asks if either of them want to check out any books. They shake their heads no, so Louis goes off on his own to find some more books for himself. Being a book editor requires a lot of reading, a lot more than Louis ever did throughout his years of schooling. He doesn't mind reading, though. He kind of has to like it. Once he's found a stack of 5 books, he figures it's enough. He goes for mostly suspense, but pulls a romance and a a popular fiction novel as well. He's already got a lot of manuscripts to read, so he doesn't want to overload.

Louis goes back over to the kids area and tells them it's time to go. As expected, one of them protests.

"I don't wanna," Brendon whines.

Iris puts her Legos away nicely and runs over to Louis' side.

"It's time to go, Bren. If you put them away nicely like Iris, then you can have ice cream," Louis persuades.

Iris reaches up and clutches onto Louis' pinky, starting to tug him towards the check-out desk.

Brendon pulls the Legos apart violently and throws them into the bucket, making loud crashing noises as they clang together.

Louis puffs out a sigh and goes over to Liam again with Iris still holding on and Brendon stomping his way over behind them.

Liam raises an eyebrow at Louis once he places the books down.

"You want to deal with this? Let's switch jobs," Louis suggests, making Liam chuckle.

"Maybe next time," Liam tells him as he scans the books and types something into the nearby computer.

"Have a good rest of your day." Liam smiles kindly, as he places the books into a sack and hands the sack to Louis.

"I'll try."

Brendon isn't usually the one to have a bad attitude or throw fits, but he's been testing Louis lately and he's not sure why.Louis turns behind him to make sure Brendon is there. They walk as a trio out of the door and head to the car. Nobody makes any noise until after Louis gets in the car and places the sack in the front seat.

"Iris and I are going to get ice cream. You can come in, Bren, but you won't be getting any this time."

"But papa, I put the Legos away. That's not fair." Brendon crosses his arms and Louis turns around in his seat to look at him.

"You didn't put them away nicely. You made a big scene and you know I don't like it when either of you make a big scene in public. Sorry, bub." Louis turns back around and starts the car and buckles his seat Belt.

He glances in the rearview mirror to see that they're both buckled. He ignores the kicks being laid on the back of his seat and tries to tune out the crying. He is trying so hard not to give in. He's working on not giving in. He remembers all the times he didn't get things when he was little. He remembers how his mom never fell for the puppy dog eyes. She was never harsh, she'd just kiss him on the head and tell him no every time he begged.

 

 

Once they reach the ice cream store, Louis hops out of the car and opens the door, seeing that Brendon is sitting with his arms crossed, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. It breaks Louis' heart, but he doesn't let his sternness falter.

"You can't stay in the car. It's going to get too hot."

Iris scoots herself around Brendon and hops out of the car carefully. Louis stands, holding the door open, reaching out a hand to help her.

"Come on, Brendon. Don't make a scene. If you're going to be upset, you can be upset, but you're not staying in here."

Brendon unbuckles his seatbelt reluctantly and slowly climbs out of the car, letting Louis shut the door. Brendon walks slowly behind Louis and Iris, dragging his feet to create an annoying scraping sound that Louis has to ignore. Iris holds Louis' hand and jumps up and down with excitement once they get inside.

"Vanilla cone?" Louis asks, placing a hand on Iris' head as he looks down at her. She nods eagerly with bouncing blonde curls with begging blue eyes.

"I'll have a kids vanilla cone and a small vanilla and chocolate swirl cone." Louis pulls out his wallet and hands the cashier his credit card and takes it back once she's done.

Louis points at a table and bends down to tell the two to go sit there.

"Cute kids," she speaks with a warm voice.

"They're not always this cute, but thank you," Louis replies, returning a somewhat decent smile.She laughs in reply.

He grabs the cones from the young cashier when she returns from the back and he thanks her before he heads to the booth and sits down next to Iris.

Brendon sits the same way he was in the back seat. He keeps his arms crossed and his jaw locked, green eyes staring out the window beside them. The sun glows through the glass and shows the tear trails on his cheeks.

"Papa, I put this on my nose?"

"Why would you want to do that, silly?"

"Wanna see if it cold."

Louis rolls his eyes and watches Iris push her cone against her nose, quickly pulling it away and squealing.

"cold cold cold," she rushes out.

Louis grabs a napkin and wipes off her nose and crumples the napkin in his hand.

"Put on your nose, papa!" Iris urges, using her cute pouty lip to persuade Louis.

He pushes his perfectly untouched ice cream against his nose, then pulls it away, leaving a clump of it on the tip of his nose. Iris gets up on her knees and pulls louis' face towards her with her free fingers gripping his chin. She moves her face close and sticks her pink tongue out, licking the ice cream off of his nose.

"You're a goof," Louis breathes out.

She giggles and sits back down, leaning her face against his bicep. He wipes his own nose with the napkin and takes a big bite of his own ice cream, so what's left is just about the same amount that Iris has.

"Bren. Look at me," Louis says calmly. The five year old keeps his face turned away and his eyes on the window.

"Brendon Ryan Tomlinson."

Brendon huffs and looks at Louis with a harsh expression on his face. His lips curve into a frown.

"Can you tell me why what you did was wrong?" Louis asks.

Brendon shrugs and mumbles, "I didn't put the Legos away nicely."

"And why isn't that okay?"

"Cause it causes a scene."

"Alright," Louis hands Brendon the rest of his ice cream cone, "Remember that. I don't want to see you do that again. Also, don't kick my seat again. That's papa's favorite car."

Louis can't help but smile as he sees the light return to Brendon's eyes. It's an addicting feeling, one of the best feelings Louis has come to know. The feeling of making his child happy is something he will never get tired of.

He looks over at Iris and sees how messy her face already is, making him laugh lightly.

"Sweetheart, you are a mess. Are you getting any of that ice cream into your mouth?" Louis asks her jokingly as he tucks her curls behind her ears to get them out of the ice cream.

"Mhm," Iris mumbles with her lips on the vanilla ice cream.

"You're going to need a bath tonight, little miss." 

-

With the gentle breeze caressing his face, Louis sits on the the porch swing with his legs stretched out towards the other end. He rolls his neck and it pops a few times, making him groan softly. The wind makes the pages of the manuscript flutter every once in awhile as it rests in his lap. In the glow of the porch light, Louis reads the words on the pages through the lenses of his glasses. Soon enough, a soft chattering nearby catches his attention. He turns his head and sees a neighbor standing at Harry's doorstep, handing him a container of cookies. They have a short conversation that Louis can't make out. He sees that it's one of the older women. Two more neighbors walk over and do the same thing, handing Harry some sort of gift, then ask him a few things. When the last neighbor leaves, Harry turns his head and catches sight of Louis reading on his porch. Louis immediately darts his eyes back to the words on the page, hoping Harry doesn't think he has been creepily staring the whole time.

He hears a annoyed groan and feet running through grass. Louis peeks up to see that Harry is running after his cat that escaped again.

"You've gotta put an electric collar on that thing," Louis calls over.

"That is animal abuse, Louis!"

A few moments later, the gate opens and Louis hears the sound of feet swishing through the grass.

"I've never seen you in glasses before," Harry says, walking up the stairs and appearing under the warm porch light.

Louis pushes his glasses up into his disheveled fringe and he folds his hands in his lap.

"It's cute," Harry says assuringly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his gray joggers.

"Can I help you with something?" Louis mentally scolds himself for making that sound so rude. Harry brushes it off, though, making Louis assume he's not phased by his asshole mannerisms anymore.

"I need to borrow some sugar."

Louis furrows his eyebrows, "At 9 o'clock in the evening?"

"I'm kidding," Harry smiles, "I was just wondering if you wanted any company. You seem a bit lonely over here. Are your kids asleep?" Harry talks unbearably slow with his northern accent. He takes a seat in a chair near the porch swing.

"They're asleep, yeah. And you don't have anything better to do?" Louis asks with pure and honest curiosity.

Harry crosses his legs at his ankles and shrugs.

"No. I'd rather sit over here and get to know you."

"Well, I'm not the get-to-know type," Louis admits, pulling his glasses from his hair. He hooks them into the neck of his shirt.

"Trust me," Harry smiles, "I've noticed."

 _Then why won't you leave me alone?_ Louis thinks to himself.

Louis is trying to reject Harry's company, but Harry isn't quite getting the hint, as usual.

"I'm also not the type to tell my whole life story to a crazy guy who moved in next door only a week ago. Sorry," Louis says simply.

"Oh, I wasn't expecting that, but maybe we could start with the pole dancer comment you made earlier."

Harry raises an eyebrow at Louis, sending a little smirk in his direction.

"What about it?" Louis looks down at his folded hands.

"I'm quite interested in where you saw such a show like that? I mean, a male pole dancer holding money between his arse cheeks..I'd like to see that."

Louis can't tell if Harry is really into men or if he's just fucking with him.

"How are you so sure that I saw it? I've got a keen imagination," Louis says, unconsciously telling something about himself.

Harry keeps his smirk on his face as he scans Louis' eyes for answers.

"You've definitely seen it," Harry says.

Louis scoffs and places his manuscript on the ground, so he can bend one leg and dangle the other off the side.

"Why are you so sure?" Louis asks defensively.

Harry flattens his hands on his thighs and says, "I don't know. You just seem like someone who has seen something like that..."

"Right, okay. And you seem like the type to be that something I've seen."

Harry chuckles heartily and points at Louis.

"So you have seen it."

Louis is silent for a moment. Their eyes stay locked in a way that isn't uncomfortable for some reason. Louis doesn't understand how they're talking like this. Harry is not like anyone else Louis has ever known. He's very _open_. He's very easy to open up to and Louis slightly hates that. He's spent time building his walls and he doesn't need some crazy cat man to knock them down.

"I think that's enough for tonight." Louis swings both legs off the edge of the swing and bends down to grab his manuscript.

"Wait, so you have seen that. Oh my god. You _have_ ," Harry says.

Louis stands up and walks towards the door.

"Okay, Louis, wait."

Louis turns around as he's halfway through the door. He keeps it propped open with his arm and watches Harry stand up and walk over. Harry grabs to edge of the door and holds it open himself, so Louis can drop his arm.

"Since you told me that. I'll tell you one thing about myself. _I don't judge_."

Those words sit in the back of Louis' mind for the rest of the night.

 _What does he mean by that? He doesn't judge._ Louis thinks as his body flops down into his giant bed that night.

Louis swore that the guy was someone who likes it up the arse. He shakes the thought out of his head and let's himself fall asleep with the sound of the fan twirling on the ceiling.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Vivid Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to whatever you find, baby.  
> Hold on to whatever will get you through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's me again. 
> 
> I'm surprised that I finished this to be honest. I was very busy this week, but I managed to write the whole thing today. Speaking of that, just know that there will be typos. After all, I am the typo queen, so there's no avoiding that. I will try to fix them if I catch them. 
> 
> Thank you for waiting and keeping me motivated with your nice comments and everything. It means a lot to me and it makes me feel so good when you guys tell me how much you love this story, even after only reading one chapter. 
> 
> I hope this was worth the 7 day wait. I will probably keep it like this and always update on Sunday's, but we'll see. 
> 
> Love you all lots,  
> Noelle. 
> 
> Twitter: inkedfondness

**It wasn't a nightmare; it was more like a memory.**

_Breaking glass shattered like icicles falling from the broken home. It was winter and everything inside was heated, except for her green eyes; each look was cold, stinging him like frostbite. There was shouting and things were knocked over or thrown, too much movement for a small kitchen. There was a four year old peeking around to see through the entrance way. There was a two year old shrieking from upstairs. There was a man and a woman and too much alcohol. It ended with a chilling silence._

Louis is sat in the kitchen, facing the window that looks out to the side of Harry's house. The siding on the house is covered in chipped white paint. His own window lines up with one of Harry's windows, a kitchen window, he remembers. The old couple who used to live there would always wave. They were friendly. The old man was a lot like Harry, oddly enough.

With an arched back and hanging head, he sits at the wooden table with his arms resting against the top and two hands clutching a class of water. His mouth is dry and his throat is itching, but he can't bring himself to take a drink, not even a sip. There's only one thing he wants to drink right now, but he knows that getting drunk won't really do any good, or that's what he's been trained to think. His forehead is slightly damp with sweat, so he cracked the window a moment earlier. He thought that maybe the breeze would soothe him, but it's not doing a very good job of it.

He decides that calling his mum might help, so he does that. He grabs the house phone from the counter and dials her cellphone. He hates bothering her this early, but he needs someone right now. He needs someone who understands.

"Is everything alright?" Jay asks in a worried tone. Her voice is raspy, but calming.

"I just need to talk..." Louis trails off, feeling bad for waking her just to talk about his usual problems.

"What's wrong, love? You sound like you've been crying."

Louis lets out a long exhale and smooths a hand over his face before he clears his throat to talk.

"It's just the usual, Mum. I hate...I hate her. I hate what she did to me. I-"

"I know you do. I know you do. You can't let her mistakes have power over you. You can't let her cause you this much stress, even now that she's gone. Don't give her that power."

Louis stares at the table and lets his Mum give a long speech about life and how it sucks sometimes. He listens carefully, soaking up her words. He lets her voice caress him like her hands used to when a He was younger. She used to hold his face in her hands when he was upset. She would make him look her in the eye when she'd tell him things like this. Her hands were always soft and warm and comforting. He closes his eyes and imagines that she's doing that right now. 

He lets some tears roll down his cheeks without shame. He doesn't feel the need to brush them away. He lets the warm liquid glide across his skin and puddle on the table. It gives him some sort of relief. When the call ends, he hangs up and places the phone on the table. He takes a few deep breaths, then looks up.

His eyes fall on the window just across from his. It's the kitchen window of Harry's house. He can see Harry sitting at his table in the same distressed position, rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes. He looks tired. His hair is slightly flat in one spot where his head must've been resting on his pillow. Harry looks up unexpectedly and makes eye contact with Louis who quickly looks away.

Louis takes a sip of the water and slowly raises his eyes back up. Harry is still looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and watery eyes. Harry stands and Louis sees that he's in tight black Calvin Klein boxers. He quickly moves his eyes up and watches Harry lean over his sink to raise the window up. He's closer now and Louis can see the trails on his cheeks from where tears had slid down them. Harry bites his bottom lip, causing a dimple to appear in his left cheek. He runs his fingers through his bedraggled hair and eyes Louis now that they're closer in distance.

Louis stands and goes to sit in the chair closest to the window. He can't quite think of why he's moving closer, until he's already sat by the window. He thinks about what Harry had said. _He doesn't judge_. For some reason it makes Louis slightly comfortable with him, which doesn't happen easily.

"It's three in the morning," Harry says. His raspy voice catches Louis off guard.

"Yeah," Louis says back, scratching his head.

Harry climbs up so he's sitting on the edge of his countertop, so close to falling into the sink.

"Are you alright?" Harry asks.

Louis isn't surprised that Harry is so selfless. It makes him aware of how selfish he, himself, is.

"I've been better. How about you? You seem less sunshine-y."

 _Sunshine-y. Really?,_ Louis thinks.

Harry chortles with a slight smile on his face.

"Yeah. I'm not so sunshine-y right now. I uh..I need some alcohol if I'm going to talk," Harry tells him.

"You don't have to talk. I don't feel like talking," Louis replies honestly.

"Good. I don't feel like talking either."

Louis is thankful for that. He's thankful that Harry hasn't pried. He is thankful that the subject of crying hasn't come up. He's thankful that Harry isn't so upbeat because he doesn't think he could handle that right now. Louis likes knowing that Harry isn't always happy, though. It makes him seem more real.

They sit there in silence for a few minutes, stealing occasional glances. They don't smile. They don't try to say anything, really. Harry sits and fidgets with his fingers and Louis watches, slightly intrigued by how long they are. Louis sits with slumped shoulders and closes his eyes every once in awhile. Harry watches, admiring his long lashes and relaxed expression. Sometimes he sighs a little bit louder than usual to make sure that Louis hasn't fallen asleep.

"Do you like people, Louis?" Harry asks randomly, breaking the silence.

Louis opens his eyes and sits up, feeling his spine pop.

He shrugs and says, "Some people are bearable."

Harry smiles and exhales air from his nose.

"I agree, but I like people. I like the whole idea of people. I like how we all are different and have things about ourselves that make us unique. I like how people are similar to books in the sense that books won't read their own own stories aloud, unless they're audio books. You have to read the book. You have to figure out what's inside, if you really want to know."

Louis squints at Harry, silently noting that he's a deep thinker.

"That probably made no sense," Harry chuckles.

"No, it made sense. You have to read people to know their story. People won't always tell their story themselves necessarily."

"Exactly."

Louis yawns and rubs his hands over his face.

"Are you actually that happy all the time or is it an act?" Louis asks.

"I'm happy a lot," Harry says, "But I'm not always happy. I just believe that life's too short to...to be upset all the time, ya know?"

Louis notices that Harry talks with his hands a lot. He's very gesticulative.

"Are you always rude to people or is it an act?" Harry asks.

It sounds like a joke, but Louis can't help but frown.

"I'm not...I'm not a total dick, ya know?" Louis retorts.

"I never thought you were. Bruised, I thought. I think maybe you've been hurt one too many times."

Louis' attention is pulled away when he hears Iris' voice and her tiny feet padding against the kitchen floor.

"Papa...had..had bad dream," Iris whispers, tottering over to Louis.

"A bad dream? I'm sorry, sweetheart. I did too."

Louis points at Iris to tell Harry that he has to go. Harry nods understandingly and closes his window. Louis stands and pulls Iris into his arms, rubbing soothing circles on her back with an open hand. She wraps her legs partially around his middle and buries his face in his neck and her shaky breaths hit his skin, making Louis shiver. She is trembling slightly, so Louis wanders around the main floor of the house to calm her.

She says, "Mommy," and Louis feels his muscles tense. He knows that she still has nightmares, but they're less frequent.

He hums softly in hopes of soothing her back to sleep. The house is dark and the moon is full outside the window when Louis decides to carry her upstairs. He knows she won't sleep well in her bed, so he brings her to his own room. Louis knows that he won't be getting any sleep, but he decides to lay next to her and make sure she's comfortable.

Iris whines slightly when Louis lays her down on his king size bed. He stretches out beside her and keeps her tucked against his side. She turns toward him and rests a small hand on his chest.

"Night, little one. Sweet dreams," Louis whispers and brushes a curl away from her forehead.

He lays in bed and sees that there is another window that lines up with his bedroom. He doesn't remember what's on the other side of that window, but he figures that he'll find out sooner or later.

-

Louis figures out that he drifted off for thirty minutes, when he feels a hand pat his cheek. It was four thirty last time he checked and now the alarm clock says five.

Brendon stands by the bed and points at the clock.

"It's time for breakfast, Papa," he says.

Louis sits up and sees that Iris is still asleep with her cheek pressed to the mattress and her lips puckered.

"Can we stay in bed for a few more minutes, son? Is that's okay?"

"But we have to say hi to Harry."

That's been the routine lately. They wake up early and the kids rush out to the front yard to say good morning to Harry when he jogs by. They really enjoy it for some reason that Louis doesn't quite understand.

"Harry is probably asleep," Louis tells him.

"No. He jogs at five," Brendon replies.

Louis rubs his eyes and turns on the bedside lamp.

He says "Alright, alright."

Louis wakes up Iris by gently rubbing her arm and tucking her hair behind he ear. She stretches and lets out a small yawn before she sits up and looks around.

"We have to go say hi to Harry, Iris!" Brendon explains.

Iris smiles and excitement lights up her yes. She lays on her stomach and shimmers off of the bed, rushing down stairs after Brendon. She slides on her bum all the way down the stairs and Louis has to grab his manuscript, glasses, and phone pretty fast to catch up with them.

When he reaches the bottom the stairs, they're already sliding on flip flops. They scramble out the door, leaving it open. Louis sees them run to the gate, Brendon much fast than Iris of course. They slot their feet into the holes of the chain fence and wait patiently for Harry to come out.

As if on cue, Harry jogs out of his yard and slows down in front of them to ruffle their hair and wave goodbye. Louis can't help feel slightly jealous at the fact that a simple good morning from Harry can make his kids so excited. They never get that excited when Louis wakes them up and says good morning.

He goes into the kitchen and sets his stuff down next to the half empty glass of water from earlier. It reminds him of the reason he was awake at three.

He wonders if the pain will ever fade. He wonders if the constant ache his chest with ever subside. He wonders if the memories will become less vivid. He wants more than anything to have his own life back because right now it's seems like what's his isn't even his. It's all _hers_.

-

As the kids play in Brendon's room, Louis sneaks into his own bedroom to take a quick shower. When he walks into the room, he looks out the window and immediately knows where the window looks into. It's Harry's bathroom and Louis catches sight of him pulling off his shorts and boxers at once, making Louis' jaw drop and eyebrows raise.

He quickly looks away and takes a moment to try to clear the image out of his head. It doesn't work. He walks into his own bathroom and shuts the door, desperately trying to think of anything other than what he just saw.

That was a little bit- no, that was _a lot_ more Harry than he wanted to see.

He peels off his clothes and keeps his eyes away from the mirror, suddenly feeling self conscious. He has seen Harry naked and it makes him a little more aware of his less toned body. Louis hasn't had time to work out. Being a father is his work out, but it doesn't really help keep him in shape.

He turns on the shower and steps under the cold water, hoping it will wash away the picture from his head. He lets his hands smooth his fringe back before he squirts some shampoo into one hand and scrubs it into his hair, massaging his scalp. He closes his eyes and the image is still there, twisting his lower stomach in knots.

He clears his throat and steps under the ice cold water, washing out the shampoo. He slicks some conditioner into his hair and lets it sit as he washes his body. The soap bar roams across his body, until Louis decides that there is enough, then he runs his hands across he goosebump-covered skin. His hands across his abdomen, still seeing the picture in the back of his mind. Louis' breath hitches in the back of his throat when he realizes how hard he's getting. He bites his lip and lets his shaky hand wrap around himself. He exhales and pumps his hand slowly, feeling his stomach slowly uncoil. His eyes are squeezed shut and eyebrows are furrowed In concentration. He can't believe what he's doing, but he doesn't stop. He pumps his hand faster, biting his lip harder, only letting a small groan slip out. His knees feel slightly weak and he's trembling from the cold water and the pleasure coursing through him.

It's not long before he's over the edge, trying so hard not to scream Harry's name at the top of his lungs. For a moment it doesn't even matter that Louis barely knows him. For a moment it doesn't even matter that Harry could possibly be straight. All that matters is the picture in Louis' head.

He focuses on his hands, pretending they're Harry's. He remember's the long fingers and how they'd wrap around Louis so nicely. Louis lets out a tiny whimper, then bites down on his lips even harder than before. He tastes blood, but he doesn't stop.

He continues to pleasure himself with the simple movement of his- Harry's hand. He breathes heavily as water rolls down his body. Droplets stick to his face as it contorts from pleasure.

He gasps when he reaches his climax, releasing warmth down his thighs, letting the water wash it away. He lets out a high pitched sigh, keeping his eyes closed and his mind focused on those hands for a moment longer. He's breathing heavily and his hands are still shaking when he reaches up to wash the conditioner out of his hair. He's tense muscles relax and he opens his eyes, facing reality again. He washes his body once more, then turns of the water and steps out to grab a towel from a nearby hook.

He wraps the towel around his lower half and grabs another to dry his top half and wrap around his hair.

His feet pad against the tile floor as he walks over to the sink and splashes cold water on his face. He catches his breath as he looks up at his reflection and sees that his lip is bleeding. He dabs it with a washcloth and puts on some Chapstick, then leaves the bathroom and heads to his closet. He gets changed into some sweatpants and decides against a shirt, knowing it'll get hot. He pulls the towel from his head and takes both over and tosses them in the laundry basket.

After combing his hair, brushing his teeth, washing his face, and taking a wee, Louis heads into Brendon's room to check on the kids.

"Alright kiddos it's time to get dressed," Louis says when he walks in and sees them playing with Brendon's cars and Iris' princess dolls.

Iris rushes out of the room and Louis follows her, knowing that she likes him to help pick out a dress. He helps her take of her onesie and watches her try on ten outfits, until

she decides on a periwinkle dress. She twirls around in a blur, then stops and it swishes to the side and settles back into place.

"I like this," Iris says.

"Good choice." Louis smiles and pats her head. "Now go brush your hair and teeth, please."

While Iris does that, Louis goes into Brendon's room to check on him. He's laying in his bed, looking at a picture book. He has already changed into a power rangers tee and black shorts. Louis sits on the edge of the bed, feeling it dip. He rubs a hand over Brendon's back, feeling the material against his palm.

"I'm going to make mac and cheese, alright?"

"Okay."

"Okay. Come down when you're ready."

When Louis leaves the room, Iris runs out of the bathroom and follows him downstairs into the kitchen. She wraps her arms around his legs when he stops to pull a box of macaroni from the cabinet.

"Let's dance!" Iris exclaims.

She always insists on having dance parties in the kitchen, so Louis keeps a CD player in there, along with her arrangement of Disney soundtracks.

"Which CD?" Louis asks.

"Beauty and Beast," Iris tells him, making him laugh merely because she pronounces _beauty_ and _booty_.

Be Our Guest fills the small kitchen and Iris spins around like a ballerina in her socks. She twirls around, loving the way her dress puffs up. Louis wanders around, trying to follow the instructions on the box.

"You dance, papa," Iris declares.

"Papa has to cook, sorry," Louis says, even though he's waiting on the noodles to cook.

"Please!" Iris pouts, looking up at Louis with her giant blue eyes that she knows he can't resist.

He gives in and lets her place her feet on top of his. He holds her small hands and walks around the kitchen in smooth steps. She hops off so she can twirl again and Louis takes that time to test out his own ballerina skills. He puts his arms in a circle shape and tiptoes around and does a small leap that makes Iris giggle. He prances around, until he catches sight of Harry at his kitchen sink. He's filling up the cats water bowl, trying so hard not to smile or laugh. Louis freezes in place, then walks back over to the pot of noodles, avoiding every window.

Iris doesn't mind that he stopped dancing. She continues on her own, stumbling around with pure passion. She even sings some of the lyrics that she knows, even though she doesn't pronounce everything right.

When the noodles finish, Louis stirs in the cheese mix, then goes over to call Brendon down. He waits for Brendon's door to squeak open before he goes back to scoop some macaroni into three bowls.

"It's Saturday, which means it's game day, so we're eating in the living room," Louis tells them. 

He hands Brendon his bowl and water cup, trusting that he won't spill it. He carries Iris', though, until they get into the living room. Then he puts the bowls and cups on the coffee table. Iris hops up and gets situated on the left side of the couch and Brendon does the same on the right. Iris makes grabby hands for her drink, so Louis hands her a sippy cup full of apple juice. He holds her bowl in his lap as he eats from his own and lets her get spoonfuls whenever she wants it.

He turns on the tv and sees that the Doncaster Rovers are playing against Cambridge United.

"Oi! Get the fucking ball. No! Foul! That's a foul!" Louis shouts at the TV only 2 minutes into the game.

Football brings out his frustration and with his frustration comes is cussing. He tries to modify it, knowing that it's wrong for the kids to be exposed to that, but sometimes he can't help it.

"Fucking score!" Brendon shouts, making Louis smirk and shake his head.

"Don't say that, please. That's a grown up word, remember? You can say 'flipping' or nothing at all."

"Flipping score, you assholes!"

-

 _Why must he do this? I actually hate him,_ Louis thinks, as he watches Harry mow his lawn without a shirt on.

Sure, that's what most normal men do when they mow, but Louis thinks that Harry shouldn't be able to do that.

Louis huffs and tries to focus on the manuscript in his hands, but his stupid eyes keep going back to Harry.

"Papa, we made 25 cents!" Brendon exclaims as he runs up the porch steps with a quarter between his thumb and index finger.

"Very nice," Louis smiles, rubbing a hand over Brendon's hair, "Who did you sell to?"

"Mrs. Peterson. The old one," Brendon smiles wide, showing off his missing front tooth.

Louis smirks and glances over at Iris who is sitting at the little lemonade stand in the front yard. There's a sign on the gate that says "Lemonayd 25 cents" on it. Louis had thought about changing it earlier, before they hung it up, but he saw it as cute and thought the neighbors would too.

"Alright, keep selling and maybe you two will have enough to get some new toys." That makes Brendon smile even bigger, before he bounds down the porch steps again.

Louis returns his attention back to his book manuscript. He sits with his back against the arm rest of the porch swing, as it gently drifts back and forth. The breeze hasn't left and Louis is thankful for that. It makes reading outside more enjoyable. What doesn't make it enjoyable is the fact that he can feel his eyes move to Harry every once in awhile. He and Harry have made awkward eye contact at least twelve times. Each time it's because Harry feels Louis staring, so he glances over, Louis drops his eyes, then Harry looks away.

When he finally delves into the climax of the story, his attention is pulled to Harry's familiar voice. It's closer than usual. Louis' eyes look over and see that Harry is buying lemonade from the stand. He is squatted down, so he is at eye level with Iris and Brendon.

Louis can't help but eavesdrop.

"Is this homemade lemonade or mix that you pour in?" Harry asks.

"I dunno. Papa made it," Brendon says, then shrugs.

"Hum, I'll buy two."

Louis watches him as he stands to pull his wallet from his back jean pocket. He's wearing blue jeans, the skinny type, and no shirt.

 _How can you wear jeans in the summer, especially when you're doing some sort of physical activity? He is ridiculous,_ Louis thinks.

"Fifty cents," Brendon tells him.

Harry hands him the money and Brendon gives it to Iris, who drops it into a jar. Harry pulls out an extra dollar and adds it to the jar.

"That is for being cute."

That earns Harry two giant smiles from the little ones. Harry squats down again, resting his elbows on the table. He uses his fists as a place to place his chin in order to prop his head up.

"Can you give one of the lemonades to your dad?"

"Yeah, sure," Brendon replies as he pours the first cup, being extra slow in order to not spill.

"Great, thank you." Harry stands patiently until Brendon finishes pouring, then stands up and hands Harry the small cup of lemonade that Harry takes into his large hand.

"Good luck with the rest of your sales, you two," Harry says as he leaves the yard through the gate and walks back over to his own yard.

Louis watches Brendon walk over with a cup of lemonade in his hands.

"This is from Harry," the five year old says as he points a small finger over at Harry. "He gave us a dollar!"

Louis glances over and makes eye contact with Harry and Harry winks and motions for him to drink it. Louis takes the cup from Brendon and squints his eyes over at Harry before he gulps the lemonade and places the cup on the ground. His eyes go back to Harry who gives him a thumbs up.

Louis is quite confused as to what just happened, but he returns his attention back to his book. His eyes scan the words, but he doesn't process anything. It doesn't take long for him to be interrupted again.

"Louis."

Louis turns his head and sees Harry standing by his fence with that face devouring smile.

"Hey, you're wearing the cute glasses."

"What do you want?" Louis groans.

"I thought you looked thirsty."

"Excuse me?"

"I see how you keep staring at me."

Louis lets out a sarcastic laugh. "You're the one staring at me."

Louis looks at him with a look that says, _you're delusional._

"It's okay. I don't mind you staring."

"Listen, I wasn't-"

"It's perfectly okay."

Louis stares at him, unamused. As usual, Harry is very amused, showing off his annoying smile and bright eyes. Louis takes in Harry's features for a moment. His curls are a little bit sweaty as they stick to his face and his face kind of oily with the sunlight shining on it.

"Aha! You're staring at me again!"

Louis turns his face towards the manuscript in his lap.

"Go be productive," he says.

Harry snickers and walks away from the fence with a smirk on his lips and a sway to his hips.

Louis can't tell if Harry is a flirty person or if he actually sees something behind Louis' hard exterior. He hasn't dated a guy since college, but he can always tell when someone is flirting with him. Guys are always more amusing with their approach.

He's just surprised that Harry is so open with himself, even though they only just met like a week and a day ago. Harry's already so interested in him and Louis doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand how someone can meet someone and start flirting with them so soon. Harry doesn't know him. He doesn't know how much of a mess Louis is.

He shakes the thoughts from his head and focuses back on the words typed on the pages, knowing that he has to get some feedback to the author within the next few hours.

-

_"You're not good enough, you've never been good enough, Louis!" She throws her words like knives, just waiting for one to hit him right in the heart, so she can twist it._

_"Then why the hell did you marry me? Huh? Why the hell did you walk into my life and pretend to love me, just to screw me over?"_

_She paces back and forth at one side of the bed with her fists clenched at her sides and her shoulders hunched over._

_"I loved you. The key word is loved. But you don't treat me how I should be treated."_

_Louis scoffs and looks at her from where he's standing at the other side of the bed._

_"You don't treat me how I should be treated. You're needy. You're selfish. You're full of yourself. You're too blind to realize that I do everything for you and our kids."_

_"Oh, wow. You think you do everything right? Then why am I not happy, Louis? Tell me that."_

" _Because you see how happy I am and you can't stand it."_

_"You're full of shit."_

_"You're full of yourself, oh wait. That's basically the same thing."_

 

 

 


	3. Fight or Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to whatever you find, baby.  
> Hold on to whatever will get you through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello there. It's been awhile. 
> 
> I am so sorry about the late update. I had finals week and I was distracted and unmotivated. I also accidentally deleted all of my progress, so I had to rewrite. I hope it was for the best because I made a new approach. I hope this sort of long chapter is worth the wait. 
> 
> I'm on break now, so I hope I'll have time to write more and update quicker. Don't hold me on that, though, because I take forever to write these. I start over if I don't like it even the slightest bit. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! 
> 
> -Noelle 
> 
> Twitter: inkedfondness
> 
>  
> 
> update: 
> 
> I AM SO SORRY I ABANDONED YOU ALL AT SUCH A BAD TIME. I HAVE LOST MY MOTIVATION AND I'VE BEEN HAVING TERRIBLE WRITER'S BLOCK SO IM TRYING TO WRITE LITTLE THINGS TO GET MYSELF BACK TO WHERE I WAS. I CAN'T PROMISE THAG I'LL GET BACK TO THIS SOON BUT I'LL TRY.   
> \- n

**July 1st:** _one month with Harry_

  
There is something different about tonight. Louis doesn't know if the summer stars are a little brighter above them or if Harry replaced his kitchen lightbulbs, but the warm glow around them seems to make Harry radiate in a way he hasn't before. Something about tonight makes Louis' eyes linger on him. He looks like mess from where Louis sits, but it isn't a bad kind of mess. It's a mess that makes you wonder why it doesn't look awful. It's like those confusing paintings in art galleries that just look like scribbles, but somehow people find it aesthetically pleasing on a different level. His curls are chaotic and drooping lazily by his jawline. His heavy-lidded eyes add to his look of exhaustion as he sits with a slouched posture and a weak grip on the windowsill that's supporting his weight. He's wearing a jumper and Louis doesn't quite understand why, cause it's bloody humid outside, but he doesn't question it. He lets his eyes scan over the loose-fitting, green material. It's a green much deeper than his eyes. His eyes are more of a calm green, a Summer green.

"Haven't you eyed me enough today, Louis?"

Louis would never admit it out loud, be he has been trying so hard not to get to caught up on Harry. He isn't looking for a relationship, but if he was, he _might_ give Harry a chance.

Louis' eyes flicker up to Harry's and he furrows his own eyebrows at him.

"When did I eye you earlier?" Louis asks, bringing a blue mug of coffee up to his chapped lips in order to down a quick gulp of the energizing, but bitter liquid.

"I was planting my new Marigolds and you were checking out my arse. I saw you," Harry says with a completely serious face that tempts Louis to laugh.

"I was not. I was watching you plant to make sure you...planted them right," Louis stammers.

"Sure you were," Harry replies, breaking his serious face with a smirk that Louis has grown to know too well within the past month of living in such close approximation of Harry _and_ his face.

_Hey, it was your choice to wear those short shorts while doing yard work this morning. Who does that? Fuck._

Louis rolls his eyes and places the warm mug against his thigh, exhaling a breath he didn't realize he was holding in. Harry had brought it upon himself. A part of Louis swears that Harry did it just to test him.

Harry sits up straight and hits the back of his head on the top of the window, cursing breathily.

"You really must be small if you can fit in the window like that." Harry says, as he rubs the back of his aching head with his hand.

"I'm _not_ small," Louis shoots back defensively from where he sits, squeezed between the window frame with his back pressed to one side and the bottoms of his feet touching the other side.

Harry seems taken aback for a moment, looking shocked by how quick Louis was to defend himself.

"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you," Harry says sincerely, scratching his forehead.

Louis looks at him, frowns, then looks down at the gross liquid sitting in his mug.

"M'not offended," Louis mumbles downwardly.

Harry smiles to himself and Louis sees it out of the corner of his eye. Harry's cheeks get really round when he smiles.

"So," Harry starts, "Can we call this our _thing_ , now?"

Louis turns his head back towards Harry and gives him a quizzical look.

"What _thing_?" Louis asks.

Harry shrugs and says, "Y'know...sitting out here at night when the world is quiet and our minds are loud...getting to know each other in the late night hours when we'll- well, _I_ will say pretty much anything...Y'know...our _thing_.."

Louis chuckles, "We don't have a _thing_. This isn't a _thing_."

"It seems like a thing to me. We've done it for at least two weeks straight now," Harry says and shrugs.

Well, it isn't...a thing. It isn't. We don't have a thing. This is my thing. I sit here all the time."  
"No you don't!" Harry laughs out loud in disbelief.

"How would you know?" Louis asks, takes another sip of his coffee, and makes a face of disgust at the taste.

"I never see you there unless it's this time of night," Harry points out.

  
"That's when I sit here. It's my breathing hours. It's my _me_ time. I used to sit here alone all the time. You interrupt it now."

Harry keeps his little smile on his face and nods, then purses his lips, making a thinking face. He isn't affected by Louis' harshness anymore and Louis thinks it's because they've bantered enough now. He doesn't understand why Harry likes him, but Harry thinks they're friends. Louis doesn't know what they are. He doesn't let himself think about it too much.

"I think you enjoy talking to me more than you'll ever admit. You never tell me to leave. A few weeks ago, you would have told me to leave. Things have changed."

Louis keeps his eyes on Harry and his oddly sparkling eyes. He has a playful smile on his face that makes Louis' stomach tie itself in knots. He doesn't understand why Harry makes him feel things. He spent a whole year not feeling things and now this curly haired sunshine man has made him feel unexplainable emotions.

"Nothing but time has changed. I don't tell you to leave because it's your property and technically you can sit wherever you want if it's your own property. Now, if you were on my property, then I'd kindly tell you to fuck off," Louis says with a simple shrug.

"Oh, would you? I doubt that, sweetheart."

Louis feels the knots in his stomach tighten when Harry calls him that. He has been using terms of endearment a lot lately and Louis doesn't like how it makes him feel. It's a mix of _oh my god, you're such a grandma_ and _go ahead_ _and_ _kiss me while you're at it._

"Do you want me to tell you to leave?" Louis asks.

Harry shakes his head, making his curls fall out of place, so he has to push them to the side again.

"No..." Harry mutters.

"Okay, then shut up for a bit, so I can read," Louis says, climbing back inside to put his mug on the kitchen table and grab his glasses and manuscript.

Louis sits back down in the window and pushes his glasses on. He feels Harry's eyes on him, but he doesn't look over. Louis has been behind on his work and it's probably because Harry stares at him every time he tries to read at night.

It's quiet except for the rustling of trees and swaying grass as the wind swirls around outside. The clouds are thick above them, foreshadowing the coming of rain. It hasn't rained much this summer, so Louis expected it to come sooner or later. It is London, after all.

Harry sits on his window sill, swaying his feet back and forth. Louis still feels him watching, like he's taking in every detail of his face.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry asks suddenly, only after a minute of silence.

"No," Louis replies, keeping his eyes on the paper.

Harry sighs, "Please."

Louis raises his eyes to look over at Harry. He's nervously tugging at his bottom lip with two fingers and he can't hold Louis' gaze. Louis stays silent, waiting for Harry to ask his question.

"Why won't you...uh...be friends with me? I feel like you don't like me or think I'm annoying or something."

The question weighs on Louis' chest like a ton of bricks, making it hard for him to breathe.

"I-I don't dislike you. Don't assume that."

"I do assume that. You always seem bothered by my presence. You push me away.."

"Harry, stop. I push everyone away."

Louis scoots his glasses up into his hair and rubs his face with his hands, hating how Harry's tone is so self deprecating. He doesn't know what Harry is in his world, but Louis definitely doesn't hate him. He kind of did a first, but he'd never tell Harry that.

"I'm really trying, Louis," Harry says exasperatedly.

" _Trying_ to do what?" Louis asks.

"...Nothing. Never mind," Harry snaps, seeming on edge.

Louis shakes his head in frustration, trying to understand why Harry is being like this all of a sudden.

 _Maybe it's the exhaustion_ , Louis thinks.

"You make no sense sometimes, Harry," Louis admits.

"Oh, I make no sense? You make no sense. You're so confusing...it's..it's infuriating," Harry announces.

"Is it now? Well, maybe it wouldn't be infuriating if you weren't always digging. Maybe you wouldn't have to worry about me being confusing, if you just _stopped caring._ After all, you don't know me, so it's easier to detach yourself."

"You think that it's easy? Yeah, I'll just stop caring," Harry snaps his fingers, "There. I don't care anymore. No, you idiot, it's not that easy."

"It is that easy. I do it all the time! I just stop caring on a daily basis," Louis explains, throwing his hands up, stunned by this sudden altercation.

"You know, maybe that's why you're like that, Louis? Maybe you don't care enough."

Louis leans forward to say something, but ends up leaning too far. He loses his balance and finds himself tumbling out of the window. The drop is only six feet, but his right hand and foot catch his fall first at an awkward angle. His ankle twists slightly and his hand barely helps anything, it only scrapes some twigs in the grass.

"Shit, Louis," Harry calls down at him.

Louis rolls onto his back and groans, his face contorting with pain. He arches his back and squints his eyes closed. Harry pushes himself out of his own window and lands on his feet, before he rushes over and squats down beside Louis.

"Oh god, are you okay?"

"That's a dumb question," Louis groans.

"Sorry. Here. Let me help you up, okay?"

Harry grabs Louis' glasses and manuscript from where they landed in the grass, while Louis sits up. He comes back and Louis hooks an arm around Harry's shoulders, so Harry can lift him to his feet. Louis notices right away that putting weight on his right foot isn't a good idea.

"Did you hurt your ankle?" Harry asks, peering down at the foot that Louis isn't putting weight on.

"Yeah," Louis winces, " _Fuck_.."

"I'm gonna help you inside, okay?"

He doesn't understand why Harry is talking in questions like He is going to say no or something.

Harry keeps an arm around Louis' small waist, fingers gripping the curve of his side. Harry uses his strength to lift Louis up as he hops on one foot. He hops up the stairs with Harry's help and Harry goes to open the door, but finds it to be locked.

"There's a key under the potted plant over there," Louis says, "And don't get any ideas of using that to sneak in my house whenever you want."

Harry laughs and let's Louis lean against the door while he goes over to get the key from under the pot of tulips. He returns and unlocks the door, leading Louis into the kitchen that Louis points out.

"I can sit on this chair," Louis says, pointing to the kitchen table.

"No, no. You've gotta hop up onto the counter, alright?"

Louis looks at Harry in confusion.

"I might need the sink nearby," Harry tells him, "You didn't think I was gonna leave you here to fix yourself up, did you? You're injured, Louis."

"I'm fine. I am an adult. I can take care of myself." Louis says as he uses his upper body strength to lift himself up onto the counter beside the sink.

"You are a small man who falls out of windows, Louis."

Harry gets a slap on the arm for that. He rubs his stinging bicep and chuckles softly at Louis and his scowling face. He places Louis' glasses and manuscript on the counter and hunkers down to check out Louis' ankle.

Louis adjusts his white t-shirt, so it isn't clinging to his stomach and says, "I don't think I can trust a man who has no medical experience."

"I have enough experience to check out a twisted ankle, hun."

_There goes another term of endearment._

" _Sure you d-OW_!" Louis screeches, then slaps a hand over his mouth, praying he didn't just wake up the little ones. " _Fucking hell, Harry_ be gentle."

"Oh, _wow_. That sounded sexual," harry chuckles, "I was just taking off your sock, sorry."

"Shut up," Louis whisper yells and feels his sock hit his face.

Harry rolls up the pant-leg of his joggers, his fingers touching Louis' skin every once in awhile.

"Why are you so quiet, it is bad?" Louis asks.

"It's bad...worse than I thought. The bone is protruding outwards.."

Louis gasps and leans forward, only to see that Harry's shaking shoulders.

"I'm kidding," Harry says between laughs.

Louis' jaw drops and he uses his other foot to poke Harry's dimple, using his big toe.

"You bastard."

" _Ew_ , gross!" Harry exclaims, slapping Louis' foot away. "Stay still, I need to check this.."

Louis squirms like a disobedient child and Harry looks up at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"I will end up hurting you if you don't stop."  
"Okay. I'm done."

Harry uses delicate hands to lift Louis foot up, so he can check for the tender spots.

"Ah! _Shit_.." Louis winces, squeezing his eyes closed. He bites his bottom lip to keep from yelling.

"You gotta stop sounding so sensual," Harry scolds.

"You're gross."

"Okay, uh...it's starting to swell and bruise a little bit," Harry says, gently moving Louis' foot back to where it can dangle comfortably.

"Was that supposed to sound sexual?" Louis asks.

Harry rises up to his feet and Louis opens his slightly watery eyes.

"No," Harry replies, "And you're lucky. It isn't broken."

Louis looks at Harry for a moment, seeing how warm his features are in this kitchen lighting. He doesn't understand why he's so radiant tonight.

"Hey, we're almost the same height right now," Harry says, earning another slap on the arm.

"Shut up," Louis replies, crossing his arms.

"Do you have a first aid kit?"

Louis points to the cabinet next to the refrigerator and Harry walks over and takes the kit out of it. He opens it next to Louis and pulls out a wrap to put on the ankle.

"I'm going to put this on you, then you're gonna have to ice it and elevate it after I leave," Harry tells Louis.

"Whatever, Harry. I know how to treat a sprained ankle."

Harry takes the wrap and squats down. He wraps it around Louis' ankle, making sure there is enough pressure on it in order for it to heal faster.

Louis winces every time Harry tugs it slightly, so Harry apologizes repeatedly.

"Ah! Are you done?"

"Sorry, yeah," Harry replies, standing up on his feet.

"Let me see your hands," Harry says, meeting Louis' confused gaze. "Oh, come on, Louis. I'm not gonna bite them."

Louis holds out his hands, palms up and Harry sees that they're mostly stained green from the grass. He does see a small splinter in one of his fingers, though.

"You have a splinter."  
"I can take out my own splinter."  
"Fine."  
"Fine."  
"Good."  
"Good."

Harry steps backwards and folds his arms over his chest.

"I'll just leave, then..." Harry trails off.

Louis ignores him and grabs the tweezers from the first aid kit. Harry gasps and runs over and grabs them from his hand.

"You have to soak your hand in warm soap water, Louis!"

Louis sighs frustratedly, "I am a grown man, Harry. I don't need your tips. The door is over there."

Louis takes the tweezers back and Harry frowns from where he stands between Louis' legs. He stays there and Louis isn't exactly sure why, but he doesn't say anything. Harry watches Louis pick at his finger in concentration, becoming slightly annoyed when he can't get the stupid thing out.

"Ugh," Louis groans, "Little shit won't get out of me."

Harry covers his face with his hands, giggling like a child.

"Oh, God. I've had enough," he snickers into his hands, "The warm soap water makes your skin softer and easier to manipulate. Try it..."

Louis looks up and sees that Harry's face is merely inches away from his own when Harry uncovers his face. His cheeks are flushed and his lips are light pink and soft looking. Louis clears his throat and places the tweezers on the counter beside him. Harry stays where he is, swallowing more than a normal person does, which makes Louis wonder why he's salivating like a dog.

"I..."

Harry takes two steps back and tugs his sleeves down so his hands are hidden. Louis can't help but notice the slight bulge in Harry's shorts. He holds his hands in front of it.

Louis clears his throat again, moving his eyes away from Harry's crotch. 

"I..um..I'm sorry about what I said. It was probably my fault that you fell out of the window. I-uh..I'm sorry," Harry apologizes, looking back and forth between the floor and Louis' blue eyes. "I didn't mean what I said. You care about things. I know you do."

"It's fine, Harry. I meant what I said, though, about me not disliking you. I think you're...okay," Louis admits with a shrug.

Harry looks up from the floor with a Cheshire Cat smile, taking up the whole bottom half of his face. Louis just shakes his head at how ridiculous he looks.

"Well, I should go. You should get the splinter out and get ice on that ankle," Harry tells Louis.  
"Okay, mum."  
"Okay."  
"The door is over there."  
"Right."  
"Bye, Harry."  
"Goodnight, Louis."

Harry leaves out the front door and Louis hops off the counter fast enough to see him sprint towards Louis' gate with two victory fists in the air. Louis rolls his eyes and can't help but smile a little bit at the sight.

 

-

 

_**July 2nd:** _

 

Louis peeks his head into the play room next to the living room, when he hears Iris scream.

"Brendon, don't take toys from your sister," Louis reprimands, "Sorry, Mum. You were saying?"

"I asked how things are with you and the kids," Jay replies.

Louis limps his way back over to the couch and sinks down into the cushions, keeping the phone pressed to his ear.

"Good. I'm just struggling cause I twisted my ankle yesterday," Louis tells her.

"You did what? How did that happen?" She asks quickly.

"I tripped...over some toys. It's not serious, mum. Don't overreact."

"You better not be walking on that, Louis Tomlinson," She says.

"I have to walk on it, mum. I've got kids to keep up with. I'm staying off of it when I can."

Jay is silent on the other end of the line for a few moments. Louis keeps an eye on the kids. Iris is clinging on to the stuffed bear that Brendon had tried to steal earlier and Brendon and playing with his toy cars.

"You told me about that guy a few weeks ago...that neighbor. Henry?" Jay asks.

"Harry. Yeah..." Louis trails off, not liking where this is headed.

"Why don't you call him? If he isn't working, just ask him to watch them for a bit. You said the kids like him. Maybe have him come over and play with them, while you rest. I don't know how well you know him, but that's an option. Ask one of the neighbors at least. You deserve a break, after all."

Louis shakes his head to himself and says, "I don't think that's the best idea. I'm fine, mum. Really-"

"Call him. If Harry isn't busy, you better ask him. You don't need to hurt yourself any more," she replies sternly.

"Mum, I'm fine."  
"Call Harry."  
"I don't even have his number."  
"Well, call someone."

Louis is about to say something, but she hangs up and the line cuts off. He shoves his phone into his joggers and leans back, closing his eyes. Just then, the doorbell rings and Louis has to pull himself off the couch and slowly limp towards the front door. He turns to knob and opens the door, revealing and smiling Harry. He's wearing a see-through white tee, jean shorts, his curls are pushed back with a thin black headband, and he's holding two containers of Tupperware with one hand.

"Harry!" Brendon yells, dashing towards the door.

Iris totters over and clings to Louis' leg, squishing her cheek against his thigh.

"Be careful of papa's foot, Ris..." Louis warns, eyeing the little girl beside him.

Louis looks up and his eyes meet Harry's dimples. Those two deep dimples are always on display. He thinks it's such a shame that harry shows them off all the time instead of them being something that makes you say _oh, wow. I didn't know you had dimples._ Those are cute. Not that Louis would say that. At least, not out loud.

 

"I made you some lunch, so you don't have to get up. Well, I guess you're already up, but now you don't have to make lunch. I made macaroni for the kids and a grilled chicken breast for you," Harry says.

"Mac!" Iris shouts, making grabby hands towards the items in Harry's hands.

"Oh, you didn't need to-"

"I know, Louis, but I did, so don't you dare think of making anything else. If you don't like chicken, then I'm here and I can make you something," Harry insists.

"Mac mac mac," Iris singsongs, bouncing up and down on her toes.

"Can we have it?" Brendon asks, looking up towards Louis.

"Yeah," Louis nods, "Sure. Go sit down in the kitchen."

Harry invites himself in and carries the Tupperware into kitchen and places them on the counter, peeling off the lids.

Louis helps Iris up into her booster seat and Brendon climbs into his own chair. Louis hobbles over to where Harry is taking tinfoil cover off of the containers.

"I need to ask you a favor," Louis talks low.

Harry turns his face to look at Louis and asks, "Why aren't you sitting down? Ask me when you're sitting down."  
"Harry-"  
"Louis, please sit down."

Louis sighs with frustration and hops up onto the counter.

"There, happy? Now, can I ask you?" Louis retorts sassily.

Harry smirks and nods in reply, as he searches the cabinet for bowls. He pulls out two and spoons the macaroni into them.

"I was wonder-"

"Papa, apple juju!" Iris interrupts.

"She wants apple Juice. Okay, baby-"

"I'll get it. Hold on," Harry says.

Harry spins around and gets the apple juice from the refrigerator and manages to find a sippy cup to pour it into.

He takes it over to Iris and asks, "Can you say thank you?"

"Fank you."

Louis watches him smile and brush a hand over her hair, before he returns to the counter.

  
"Continue," Harry says.

"You can say no. It's okay if you can't-"

"Just ask me," Harry laughs.

Louis scratches his head. He knows that he's not the best at asking for things. He's not good at asking for help, most definitely.

"Are you busy today?" Louis manages to spit out.

Harry turns towards him and smirks childishly, "Are you asking me on a date, Louis?"

"What? No. No. Christ," Louis covers his eyes with his hand and shakes his head, "I need you for like an hour an a half...are you busy?"

Harry leans towards Louis ear and whispers, " _Sex_?"

Louis shoves Harry's shoulder, saying, "No! No. Absolutely not. No. This is serious."

He feels himself blushing, so he covers his face with his hands.

Harry leans his head back, cackling like an old man. Louis watches his nose scrunch up slightly, before he slaps a hand over his mouth. He finds two spoons in a drawer by his crotch and puts them in the bowls, taking them over to Iris and Brendon. When he returns, Louis scowls at him.

"You're such a child..." Louis sneers jokingly.

"Sorry. I'm sorry," Harry smirks, patting Louis' knee. "What do you need? I'm not busy until five."

"I don't even want to say it now. I've lost my courage." Louis folds his arms and turns his face away from Harry.

"Oh, come on, Louis. I'm listening. I'm done joking," Harry promises.

Louis turns his face back and shrugs, "It's not even that big of a deal. I just feel kind of exhausted and it's hard to keep up with these two when I'm a cripple, so-"

"I can watch them, if that's what you're asking," Harry says and smiles reassuringly.

Louis nods, "Alright. Good. You can just stay here and keep them company. They're not too much of a handful. I'm just going to lay in the living room and-"  
"Ice your ankle."  
"Oh, um..yeah, I guess.."

Harry raises an eyebrow and nods in understanding as he puts the lid back on the macaroni. He takes it over to the refrigerator and slides it on the top shelf.

"Are you going to eat?" Harry asks over his shoulder.

Louis hops down from the counter and shakes his head, pursing his lips.

"I'm not very hungry."

"You can split it with me," Harry suggests, perusing the cabinets for plates.

Louis jams his hands into his pockets, watching Harry's shirt lift up slightly as he reaches for two plates. Louis notices how toned he is, when the material swishes and clings back to his stomach. Harry turns around and winks when he sees Louis staring. Louis clears his throat and looks away quickly. Harry doesn't comment on it, though, and Louis is thankful for that. His cheeks are already pink enough from Harry's sex comment earlier.

Louis hops off the counter and goes and sits down in his chair by the window and offers a small smile to Brendon who has a mouthful of macaroni and a little bit of cheese on his upper lip. Iris is poking her finger into her bowl when Louis looks over.

"Iris, babe, get your finger out of there," Louis scolds softly, making Iris giggle.

"Do you need a drink, Bud?" Harry asks Brendon when he peers over and sees that he doesn't have anything.

"Wa-er pweaze," he mumbles with his mouth full.

"And you, Louis?" Harry asks.

Louis pauses, really wanting to just stand up and get it himself.

"Water is fine. Thanks."

Louis grabs the newspaper from the center of the table and takes off reading from where he left off earlier that morning, during breakfast. There's an article about people insisting on taking down the London Eye. He can't imagine London without the London Eye. He thinks the idea is about the dumbest thing he's read in a while.

Harry slides a plate in front of Louis and puts down the two water cups by Brendon and Louis. He takes a seat in the chair across from Brendon, a seat that hasn't been filled in a long time.

Louis folds the newspaper back up and puts it on the floor next to his chair, before he starts cutting the chicken. Harry stabs a piece of his own and takes it into his mouth, chewing slowly. The atmosphere is slightly awkward and Louis can't handle it for very long.

"What do you have to do at five? Is it a photography thing again?"

"No. Uh, it's a date."

_A date?_

"A _date_?"

Harry shrugs, while cutting his chicken, "It's nothing. I just met this guy at the grocery store..."

Louis takes a sip of his water and furrows his eyebrows, waiting for Harry to continue. He doesn't.

"Oh, well that's...that's great. That's good," Louis resounds.

"Yeah. He's quite witty and he has this really big personality compared to how small he is. He's quite short, so I don't know how..oh no..I'm kidding."

Harry places his utensils down and rubs his hands together, giggling. Louis looks at him in confusion and a tiny bit of anger.

"I'm joking, Louis. I don't have a date," Harry laughs, running his fingers through his hair, " You look genuinely upset. Don't worry, I'm destined to be a crazy cat man for the rest of my life. I have a photography thing."

Louis stabs a piece of chicken and chews it angrily, as he sits back in his chair and holds his fork in his hand. He's annoyed that Harry is finding ways to catch him off guard.

Iris slaps her hand on the table all of a sudden, trying to get Harry's attention. He collects himself and turns his face towards her.

"Will you play?" Iris asks, leans forward, and draws out the "a" sound. 

Harry props his elbow up on the table and rests his chin on his fist.

"I would love to. Can I finish eating first?" He asks.

She nods in reply, moving so she is sitting on her knees. She tugs on one of her curls and starts twirling it around her finger.

"Iris, are you done eating? Is it all gone?" Louis asks her.

She pouts and nods unconvincingly. He sees a little bit of cheese on her blue dress and feels the need to get up and wipe it off, but he doesn't.

"It's not gone," Brendon says after leaning over to look into her bowl.

"Iris, sit correctly and finish your mac, okay?" Louis asks politely.

She glares at him and shakes her head.

"You need to finish if you want to play."

"No!"

"Look, Iris," Harry says, "I'm finishing mine, so I can go play. Let's finish together, alright?"

Iris pouts and moves her legs out from underneath her, so she's sitting on her bum. She grabs her bowl and starts eating again, making Louis squint over at her. He wonders why she will listen to Harry and not him. He tries not to let it upset him too much, though. He assumes she's just trying to cause trouble since there's company.

 

 

"Harryyy lets go play!" Iris shouts, tugging at Harry's shorts as he washes the dishes.

"I'm almost done, okay? Why don't you and Brendon go pick what we're going to play and I'll be there in a minute?" Harry suggests, looking down at her.

She lets go of his jean shorts and scampers out of the kitchen with Brendon following close behind.

"Sorry if they're being a bit bothersome. They're only like this when guests are over," Louis says.

"Don't worry about it," Harry replies.

Harry peers over his shoulder at Louis who's standing up and going to the refrigerator.

"Hey, hey. What are you doing?" Harry rushes out.  
"Getting some ice."  
"I'll get it."

Harry opens the freezer and hands Louis a pack of frozen peas. Louis takes them into his hands and rolls his eyes.

"I have perfectly working arms, Y'know," Louis says while limping out of the kitchen.

"I know..." Harry mutters, suddenly feeling heat rush to his cheeks.

Louis goes into the living room and slumps down onto the couch. He turns the tv on and goes to the sports channel, even though nothing good is on, until tomorrow. He sees Harry walk into the play room and sit down on the floor. Iris puts a tiara on him and squeaks, clapping her hands together.

"Princess!" She shouts.

Harry smiles and adjusts the tiara, so it doesn't fall off. Louis tries not to laugh, but Iris attempts to squeeze her white gloves on him and Louis loses it. He lets out a puff of air and Harry turns his face towards Louis, glaring at him.

"I'm a princess, Louis. What are you? That's right. Nothing. Therefore, you're a peasant in my kingdom."

Harry folds his arms and straightens his posture, taking a sip of the imaginary tea that Iris hands him.

Louis rolls his eyes and says, "You're not a princess, until you say the Princess Pledge."

"The what?" Harry asks.

"Tell him the Princess Pledge, Iris. You have to repeat after her," Louis explains.

Iris lifts his right hand and mirrors him with her left hand raised.

"Princess, Princess," Iris says.

"Princess, Princess," Harry repeats.

"I'm prettiest princess."

"I'm prettiest princess," Harry mimics, laughing softly.

Iris blows a kiss and Harry blows one back. Louis watches Iris pull on Harry's hand to get him to stand up. He towers over her, yet you can still tell who's in full control of the situation. She does a curtsy and Harry mirrors her action. Louis sees Harry's eyes flicker over to him when Iris makes him do a little ballerina spin. Louis just sits back, watching in amusement.

"Pretty," Iris says when Harry sits back down. She touches his curls and then takes one of her own and holds it up next to his.

"Curls!" She squeals happily.

Harry chuckles, "Yeah, we both have curls."

 

 

Louis opens his eyes when he feels someone lift his foot up and place a pillow underneath it. He squints and sees a blurry Harry leaning over and readjusting the bag of peas.

"Mm..what are you doing?" Louis groans, licking his bottom lip.

"Sorry, I was just elevating it. Go back to sleep," Harry sleeps lowly.

Louis' eyes are barely open, but he can still slightly see Harry. He's smiling with those full pink lips and matching pink cheeks. He must've been chasing the kids around to be flushed like that. His curls are disheveled and one of his t-shirt sleeves is rolled up, exposing a muscular shoulder. Louis groans again and turns his head, attempting to go back to sleep.

"Are you Papa's friend?" Louis hears Brendon ask.

He hears Harry's knees pop as he squats down and exhales loudly.

"Yeah. I guess you could say that. I never asked," Harry says.

"Why not?" Brendon asks.

"I'm not sure. He makes me a little bit nervous.."

"You just gotta ask him. He's not scary. He would say yes. He likes you," Brendon tells Harry.

Louis readjusts his position on the couch, folding his hands on his stomach. He tries his best not the eavesdrop anymore, afraid that he'll hear something he isn't ready for.

"He likes me? Oh, well, tell him I like him too..."

Louis feels a weird sensation in his stomach like he might throw up. He recognizes it at butterflies, something he hasn't felt in years. The little fluttering continues for a moment or two, while Louis silently prays that these feelings will stop.

_I can't handle this. I don't want to feel these things. If there is some higher power up there, please just make these feelings fade. I'm not good for him. Plus, Harry could never love a guy like me, not for very long..._

 

 

 

He wakes up when hears Harry saying his name in a delicate way that makes it hang in the air for a moment. Louis slowly blinks his eyes open and sees that Harry is standing over him with Iris asleep in his arms.

"Sorry," Harry whispers, "It's four-thirty.."

"Oh," Louis clears his throat, trying to clear his raspy tone, "Okay, uh..."

"Iris fell asleep a few minutes ago. Brendon is still playing in there. They had a snack...I just cut up an apple. I hope that's okay," Harry says while he rubs soothing circles on Iris' back.

Louis sits himself up and Harry shakes his head, using a hand to push Louis back down.

"You can stay there. You seem very comfortable...I-uh...I'll let myself out."

Harry moves Iris to Louis' arms and she immediately buries her face in the crook of his neck. He puts a hand on her back and keeps his eyes on Harry. He's still radiating as if there's some sort of angelic glow lining his silhouette.

"I'll see you later," Harry says.

".....Thanks. Thanks for hanging out with them. They like you a lot," Louis whispers.

Harry smiles kindly and nods, shoving his hands into his pockets. He starts heading towards the door, when Louis stops him.

"Harry...uh...don't for get your Tupperware," Louis reminds him.

"Yeah. I won't...thanks," Harry says, then turns and heads down the hall.

When Harry is out of sight, Louis rests his head back against the pillow and shakes his head to himself. He knows that something happening and it's happening fast. He's starting to forget how to speak when Harry looks at him. He's starting to unconsciously rub his palms against his trousers when Harry is around because his hands are starting to get clammy. He can feel himself getting nervous and panicky and he knows that things are gonna get messed up, cause he's free falling and he doesn't know how to stop, so right now he's preparing himself to hit the pavement at full force. He's preparing himself for the worst because that's all that ever happens to him.

 

-

_**Week two of living next to Harry:** _

 

_"For God's sake, Harry, would you find a way to keep your cat out of my yard?"_

_Harry grabs the squirming gray tabby from Louis' hands and turns to place him on the floor inside the house._

_"I think Leonardo Di-"_

_"Don't say it."_

_"I think Leo likes your kids," Harry says honestly._

_Louis crosses his arms and shakes his head, "Well, I don't like Leo, so keep him out of my yard."_

_Louis turns on his heels, his flip flops flicking against the bottom of his feet as he walks toward Harry's gate._

_"Wait, Louis!" Harry calls, following Louis into his yard. "There's this neighborhood picnic party thing that I got invited to and I don't want to go alone. I won't really know anyone. I have a feeling you don't usually go, but you should this time. For me..just so I don't feel awkward."_

_Louis stops just before he goes up his porch steps. He turns around and shakes his head._

_"No, no way."_

_"C'mon, Louis. Please. I know I don't know you extremely well, but I'm more comfortable around you than any other neighbor," Harry explains._

_Louis can see how much Harry wants him to go. It's shown in his pleading eyes._

_"They aren't even fun, Harry."_

_"Oh, but we can make it fun! I haven't gotten to do anything fun yet. I've been busy fixing up my house and working. Your kids would have fun, too. Please," Harry begs with clasped hands._

_"No," Louis states firmly._

 

_-_

 

_**July 7th** : the end of the neighborhood picnic party thing_

 

  
"Louis!"

Louis looks up from where he's sitting and sees Harry jogging over to him. Harry sits down abruptly, taking a moment to catch his breath, while Louis looks over where the bouncy house is in order to make sure his kids are alright.

"What are you doing over here? You should be having fun. I finally convinced you to go, Louis. I brought you, so you could have fun!" Harry exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air.

Louis is amazed that he isn't drunk. There isn't any alcoholic beverages at this party thing, but Harry seems like he has had one too many.

"Well, I'm not having fun," Louis admits, folding his arms.

Harry turns his body towards Louis and frowns, saying, "Well, you're not going to have any fun over here by yourself," Harry tells him.

"Well, it's more fun than being over there."

Louis scoots away, so he's sitting at the other end of the bench, creating distance from Harry. It's times like these when he wishes Harry would go away. Harry's positive energy make it hard for him to mope.

Louis looks forward, seeing the pastel colored clouds and orange tinted sky. Sunsets remind him of her.

"People are glad to see you, Louis. They've been telling me how funny you are and how you used to be the life of these parties."

Harry scoots a little bit closer and crosses one leg over the other. He keeps his face turned towards Louis and Louis continues to stare at the sky.

" _Used to_..." Louis mutters under his breath.

"I don't know what happened, Louis, but I'm sorry. You deserve," Harry scoots a little bit closer, "Better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to _let yourself_ be happy."

Louis shakes his head, throwing his head back to let out a fake laugh.

"Maybe I don't," Louis smiles wide but it doesn't reach his eyes, "Maybe I have always been destined to observe the happiness in the world and never experience it."

Harry furrows his eyebrows and uncrosses his legs. He doesn't say anything for a moment, he just looks at Louis. Louis can feel Harry studying his side profile as if he could find answers written in his frown lines.

"I have always lived a life full of bad experiences. Every good thing that happens to me, eventually turns to shit, so I don't know why I try anymore. I don't know why I'm here, letting these people ask me personal things and tell me that _it's good to see me up and about_ ," Louis says, putting air quotes around the last part, "I don't know why I have stayed in that house. This neighborhood is polluted by her. Everywhere I look, she's just there."

"Louis..."

"Like this bench. We kissed here after we took a tour of the house I'm in now. She was pregnant with Iris and her belly pressed up against me. That was the first time I felt Iris kick. I remember us rushing to put our hands on her belly, waiting for Iris to kick again. This dumb bench is tied to her too."

"Louis, you don't have to-"

"And this sunset. She was always obsessed with sunsets. She said that we would travel all over the world, just for the sunsets. _Crazy, right?_ "

Louis stops when he feels his hands shaking. He grips his jean-covered thighs and blinks rapidly, trying the get the burning sensation out of his eyes. Harry watches and Louis feels that he's closer. There's about six inches between them, but Louis can feel his body heat or maybe it's just the summer heat in general.

"I'm sorry, Louis-"

"Quit apologizing. It's not your fault. You weren't even there..."

Louis can see Harry out of the corner of his eye. His face is blank and he kind of looks like he's seen a ghost.

"I'm just tired of living in a world that's not my own. These places aren't mine...the memories aren't mine," Louis whispers, biting his bottom lip.

The bench squeaks slightly when Harry turns and adjusts his position, so he's facing Louis again. He's close enough for Louis to move his hand from his thigh and touch Harry's shoe, since one leg is bent and resting on on its side, on the bench.

It's quiet and Louis glances over at Harry from the corner of his eye every once in awhile. He tries to keep his eyes dry because crying in front of Harry isn't something he wants to do right now.

"Do you think that marrying her was a mistake?" Harry asks suddenly.

Louis rubs his palms up and down on his thighs.

"Well, that would make my kids a mistake, and they're not. They're the only good thing that came out of that relationship. But marrying her? Yeah, I'd say it was a mistake," Louis replies.

Harry swallows thickly and sighs shakily, making Louis wonder why he's so nervous all of a sudden.

"There's something that I've learned throughout my life," Harry says slowly, "If you can't erase a mistake, or a memory, you should cover it with something _better_..."

Harry's hand reaches up and turns Louis' face towards him quickly, but it's all slow motion after that. He moves his hand to the back of his hair, fingers skimming his scalp, as Harry sits up on his knee slightly, so he's taller in height. Harry moves his face towards Louis' in a slow manner, giving Louis time to push away if he wants to. Louis feels his heart drumming against his chest and he worries that Harry can hear it. He can feel how hot his cheeks are and he feels self conscious, cause Harry can see it. It's already hot outside and now his blood is rushing to the surface, making him feel sweaty. Harry tilts his head to the right and pauses just before their lips touch. Louis doesn't breathe, but he can smell Harry's breath and the scent reminds him of cherry soda. Then, Harry urges Louis' head closer and their lips gently brush together in a timid way. Harry's hesitance makes Louis even more nervous because it makes Louis' heart race faster. Louis doesn't know why he isn't pushing away. He's too stunned by Harry's touch and how his fingers are playing with the hair on the nape of his neck and how Harry's lips leave a buzzing sensation every time they brush against his own. This is a kiss unlike any other he has experienced. It's patient and slow and delicate.

When Harry's lush lips finally put a soft pressure against Louis', Harry closes his eyes, but Louis keeps his open. He's surprised by the way Harry kisses, using just enough pressure and movement. He takes his time...he's slow about it, urging Louis to kiss back. Louis feels his hands start to shake again and he curls them into fists. Harry catches his breath like a fish coming up for air and he kisses Louis again. He isn't forceful or begging, he's just kissing Louis for the sake of kissing Louis, not for being kissed _by_ Louis. Louis notices that his lips taste like artificial cherries, the kind that they put on the top of cheap ice cream. Louis wonders what his own taste like.

It isn't long before Louis finally realizes what's happening, his fight or flight mindset kicks in and he starts thinking. That's one thing you can't do during a kiss. He starts reasoning. He likes Harry kissing him, in fact, he wants to kiss back, but he's scared. He scared because he knows that the moment he kisses back, things will change. He will be admitting his feelings. He will feel the pressure of taking things further, weigh on his chest. Louis worries that he'll mess things up. He worries that he will ruin Harry. God, he hates Harry for putting him in this situation. He hates Harry for being so irresistible. He hates Harry for being so stubborn and persistent. But he doesn't hate Harry and he hates that the most.

He hears children in the distance and he's pulled back into reality. He knows it hasn't been too long, but Harry's lips are still on his. Hearing the children screaming makes him remember the night full of tears and shattering glass and yelling and cold hands and Brendon peeking into the kitchen and the open door and the snow and the flashing lights and stumbling and cursing and

 

suddenly, Harry is clutching his nose with shaking, bloodstained hands...

 

 

 

 


End file.
